Monday, July 16, 2012

Stories never told

Tonight, my nieces and I were trying to envision Harry Potter in 60 seconds. I'm not sure it can be done, but if anyone does manage it, let me know. I'd love to see it. Anywho [that is deliberate--a bit of colloquial Elise], we got off on this really odd tangent in which we discussed entertaining Harry Potter scenarios. For your enjoyment.

Snape's Shoulder Angels:
Angel-"Be nice to Harry. He's Lily's son."
Devil-"So what! He's James' son too. Give him a detention!"
Angel-"Don't kill Dumbledore! Killing is bad."
Devil-"Yeah, don't kill him. Let Malfoy do it. He doesn't know Dumbledore will die anyway."
Angel-"Wait! Ethical dilemma! Must...not..." Poof! Angel explodes.

Bellatrix needs a spa day:
Sirius to Bellatrix, at the ministry of magic (before he dies): "Bellatrix, cousin, you're looking a bit ratty. You know, you really should take some time for yourself. Here's a gift certificate. Treat yourself to a spa day. You deserve it."
It is quite possible that the real reason she killed Sirius is because of this comment. Bellatrix always dresses up for confrontations with the Order of the Phoenix. She had spent hours on her hair, and Sirius foolishly thought she'd woken up late and hadn't had time to shower. What he took for a bad case of bedhead may have lead to his demise.

Dumbledore on vacation:
Dumbledore at the beach, as a surfing star. Or Dumbledore in Paris, wooing the women. Or Dumbledore at a rodeo--bring on the bucking bronco. Dumbledore on Safari. On a magical safari. So much potential.

Voldemort with hair extensions. Enough said.

Voldemort at the psychiatrist's:
Psychiatrist: I believe you have an unhealthy fixation with that Potter boy. You can't stop talking about him.
Voldemort: Aveda Kedavra

What does McGonigal do when no one is around? Step Aerobics! "Come on ladies, get those arms up!" Tartan leotard, baby.


Clearly, there are numerous untold stories here.  Also, very clearly, we were enjoying ourselves waaay too much. If you believe that sort of thing is possible.

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